I didn’t try as much as I should have when I was in school, specifically in middle school and high school, but it got much worse as I got older, to the point where I almost didn’t graduate high school my senior year due to low grades in a class that was required to graduate that I was only doing bad in simply because I hardly studied and often didn’t do my homework. I find, looking back, that I didn’t try hard at all in areas of study that I hated, simply because I didn’t want to. But in other areas- reading, writing, algebra, personal finances, computer typing- that I really enjoyed, I usually did great, turned in all of the homework and did extra credit assignments because I loved to do it.
And that’s always been a problem of mine. I hate to try new things. I hate to try and get better at things that I don’t like. I put them of and keep putting them of until it’s either too late or nearly too late to even try. Without people in my life such as my mother and my grandmother who forced me to try new things: I would never have learned to read or snow ski or have gotten a job or done anything useful with my life. I would have just always stuck to my safe little bubble with the couple of things that were easy for me and that I already knew that I liked.
Without the people in my life who constantly are pushing me to get out there and do things, I would just sit at home all day watching Netflix and browsing Facebook, never ever making anything of myself, skipping out on all of my potential.
Recently though, I’ve been looking back on my life and all of the things that I have and haven’t done and I’m so, so happy for all of the things that other people forced me to do throughout my life, because most of them turned out to be things that I loved to do or things that I didn’t end up loving but helped me to be able to get to things that I did love to do. But, I also look back at me life and can see all of the things that no one forced me to do that I didn’t do simply because I didn’t want to, it seemed too hard, or I was afraid to try and I am ashamed of how little that I have actually accomplished in the 20 years that I have been alive.
Recently though, I have been trying to change that. I am trying to become a new person who isn’t afraid to speak her mind and do things that are hard and just be my crazy self. That’s one of the reasons why I started this blog. Because I’m trying to do all of the things that I have just been thinking about doing for years and not actually doing. And that’s also the reason why I started running.
I have never been a super skinny person, but I’ve never been obese either. My weight has always been something that I’ve put on the back burner as something that I can’t fix or something that maybe just takes more effort to fix than I was ever willing to put into it.
But, a couple of months ago I stepped on the scale and saw that I was 197 pounds. A few years ago, I was only about 145. I haven’t grown taller at all during that time. And I decided right then and there that I was never going to join the 200-pound club.
I started running. I’ve never been into sports. It was always one thing that I’ve disliked. But I’ve always really admired runners. Running was always that one thing, that one sport, that I really wanted to do. I am athletically slow. It is harder for me to do athletic things than the average person in the same health otherwise as me. I’ve always wished that I could run long and fast like the kids on the track team. But, again, running was always one of those things that I just never tried. I was too slow, too fat, too stupid, too horrible at it, to ever try running, I thought to myself.
But, I am here to tell you, when you think that you are too slow, too fat, too stupid, too horrible to try, that’s when you should try the hardest at something, because if you never try, then all of those statements that you’ve been telling yourself become true.
When the demons come into your head telling you who you are and what you should be, FIGHT BACK and tell them, NO! THIS IS WHO I AM! and DO IT ANYWAYS.
A couple months ago, I started running. It was horrible. It sucked. I hated it. I wanted to give up. I couldn’t run for 30 SECONDS without feeling like I was going to die. And you know what? It’s still horrible sometimes. I still suck. But…I no longer hate it because I didn’t give up. And I am getting better. I am still extremely slow, but am slightly faster than I was before. I can now run about 3 minute stretches before having to stop because I’m gasping for air. I now go out for nearly an hour, alternating between running and walking the whole entire time. Before, I went out for about 45 minutes, but I would often take a five or ten minute break halfway through. I’m training for a 5K and hope to be able to run one (alternating running and walking every few minutes throughout the race) by the end of the summer.
My whole life I have thought that I was incapable of running, that it was something impossible for me to do, that I should never try, so I didn’t try. I missed out on being a part of the middle school and high school track teams, something that I know that I would have loved, all because I was too afraid to try. I thought that running wasn’t something that I could do and I am currently proving that old belief wrong. I CAN run. I CAN do this. And yes, it’s hard. And yes, I’ll never be an Olympic runner. And yes, I’m extremely slow. But I love it, and it’s something that I CAN DO.
My challenge to you is to try something that is hard for you, something that you’ve been afraid to try or something that you think you would be horrible at, and just do it. Stick to it for a little while. You might find that with time you actually enjoy it and that you were missing out on something amazing before simply because you refuse
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