I am overweight. How over weight am I? I’m not exactly sure. I don’t have access to a scale otherwise that number would be big and bold on your screen right now. But, it’s somewhere around the 200 mark. I’m about 5 feet five inches tall, for perspective.
Am I the most overweight person in the world? No. I personally know some people very closely who are heavier than I am and they are beautiful and wonderful and I love them very much. But, I do have a belly.
Do I hate myself? Think that I’m ugly and worthless? I don’t. I have had days like this, but I feel like most people have. In fact, I have had quite a few days where I have looked in the mirror and felt like I looked very good, pretty, beautiful even. I am proud of who I am.
But, that doesn’t mean that I am incapable of change. I have also had days like today where I have looked myself in the mirror and thought, “I am beautiful, but I know that I can do better. I am capable of more.” I looked at myself in the mirror today after getting ready for church and saw the person that I am now and saw the person that I am can become, that I want to become. Will I ever be a supermodel with a size 0 waist? No. My body wasn’t build for that. I will never be that and that is just fine with me. But, I am capable of more. I know that I am. I look at myself in the mirror and I can see that person that I can become without the belly fat. I am young. I am capable. I am strong. It’s laziness that is holding me back.
It’s easier to skip that walk because it’s a bit chilly outside. It’s easier to justify that midnight snack when I am bored even though I know that I don’t need it. It’s easier to blame the fact that I still live with my parents on why I can’t make healthier food choices. But, the thing is, I was lying wide awake in bed tonight contemplating if it would really hurt anyone if I just snuck out of bed and got that snack that I know that I don’t need, and I realized that I am done taking the easy way out of things.
I want to lose weight. Not because I don’t think that I’m pretty. I’m beautiful and so are you. Not because I feel like I’ll never fit in if I don’t lose weight. I have some good friends and family who really care for me. But, because when I look in that mirror, I see my self worth. I know that I am worth more than this. I have been blessed with such a beautiful body and I haven’t been treating it the way that I want to treat it.
So, you’re asking yourself, “Where do I come in? Why are you telling me this? We all have things that we don’t like about ourselves. You’re not the only one with problems.”
Why am I telling you this? I need help. I want to do better, but I need help. I started this blog a long time ago with high hopes and let it die out after three posts. Well, not anymore. It’s back for good.
You don’t have to do much. Just read my posts. And, if you feel like it, comment. I’d like some friends. Share your stories. Leave a link to your blog. I’ll follow you. Just be my friend. If I know myself, then I know that I need accountability in my life. I know that I need someone who will encourage me when I’m doing something good. Call me out when I do something that I said that I wouldn’t do. Just, be my friend. If even five people are willing to help me out, then that would be enough. And, if not, well…I’ll keep on writing anyways. Because writing is what I like to do.
What will you find here. Well, you’ll find my life. You’ll find that place where I post my thoughts and everything that comes to my mind. This isn’t going to be a traditional blog where everything is planned out and I know exactly what I am going to say ahead of time and everything is planned out. Just a fair warning for you, this blog is going to be a little bit messy. It will have short entries with only a line or two. It will have long monologues that cover several pages printed out. It will have my life and my struggles and my fears and my hopes and my dreams. It will have my adventures. It will have books that I read and movies that I saw. It will have agonizing moments where I share how much I DO. NOT. WANT. TO. DO. MY. HOMEWORK. It will be me, with the words flowing out of me as they come to me.
And, if that is the kind of thing that you are interested in, then I welcome you to stay. If you’re still reading this post, then I am in awe of you and very grateful. Feel free to leave a comment. Subscribe if you want like. And, if you want me to, I’ll subscribe back to you. Let’s be friends.
Thanks for letting me spill my heart out. I needed this tonight. I’ll see you in a few hours.